Hey guys, it's Hanna!
This is the third on out of four tips about how to be a social butterfly.
εїз Approach people. You remember how we talked about how accepting compliments is best done with a simple "Thank you?" Well, turns out that's right for most social interactions! Walking up to someone and saying, "Hi. I don't believe we've met," is an incredibly direct, confident, effective way of starting a conversation. Humans just want to make it harder for some reason!
εїз Sometimes you've gotta do the approaching because other people just aren't gutsy enough. Like you used to be! They're all nervous to initiate social interaction. Just walking up to someone, looking them in the eye, smiling, and saying, "Hi, my name is Hanna (or whatever your name is)," can get the ball rolling. (A handshake wouldn't hurt.)
εїз When you have three minutes with a person, seize it. At the bus stop? Talk to the guy next to you about his bag. In line at the checkout? Ask the lady how her day is going. The little things count just as much!
εїз Master small talk. Surprisingly enough, it doesn't have to be painful if you don't want it to be. And it doesn't just have to be about the weather! Small talk can be fun and fulfilling when the right topic and the right person rolls around. If you have even five minutes with a person, start chatting. Totally not threatening too!
εїз While Brits are cool talking about the weather, you may want to avoid it across the pond. Since that may or may not be out of the question, talk about whatever is in front of you. Long line at the store? A holiday coming up? The bus is late? Or maybe you don't know what to order at the coffee shop! Don't think of it as making meaningless chatter -- think of it as brightening someone else's otherwise boring day.
εїз This skill will help you fill awkward silences. So the next time you're sitting by that girl in class that you've spoken to a few times, that project you're working on together next quarter won't be so awkward.
εїз Practice talking to everyone. You're naturally going to find it easier to talk to some people over others. Those you have the most in common with will be the ones you gravitate to. While it's fine to spend a lot of time with these people, go out of your way to talk to everyone else. You can only get better with practice!
εїз This is easiest if you can find common ground. Do you share a class? A hobby? A boss? The weather? Everyone likes being paid attention to, point blank. When you have five minutes to kill, fight the urge to go poke your best friend and walk up to that girl you've been meaning to make chitchat with. Isn't she in your Chem class?
εїз Seem interested. The best face to put on when you're talking to someone is your interested face. Ever talked to someone who just doesn't seem to give a damn about a word you say? It's the worst. Now have you ever talked to someone who made you seem like the only person in the room? Bingo.
εїз Along with smiling and devoting them your entire attention both verbally and non-verbally, ask them questions. When something comes up, get the details. It's the fastest way to gravitate the conversation to a point where you both feel it was meaningful.
εїз Pretend you've known them your entire life. Those people you don't know so well will be a bit hard to talk to in the beginning. If the idea of making small talk with virtual strangers or meager acquaintances sounds painful, you're gonna need to get over that! It's what social butterflies do. The easiest way to get over that hump is to think of them as people you've known your entire life. What's keeping you from going, "Hey, man! How're you doing'?" Nothing, that's what.
εїз When we've known people our entire lives, we drop the facade. We are ourselves. When that pretty girl or guy you like walks in the room, you think, " How's my hair?" and when your childhood neighbor walks in, you find a Cheetos on your pants, give it a quick once-over for dust and hair, shove it in your mouth and say, "Yo." While you might not want to go that far, you can see where being around someone who's relaxed and themselves is super calming.
εїз Alright, some people might be freaked out by this. The introverts, those with massive trust issues, they might not take to your super comfortable approach. So before you go about asking them how the old ball and chain is, gauge your relationship and their demeanor. Better safe than sorry.
εїз Be seen anywhere and everywhere. You're a people machine. Now that you're ready to get your feet wet in every social situation, do so. Go to parties where you only know a few people. Hit up an art museum and follow it up with a tractor pull. Go to a wine tasting with your bowling team and then meet up with coworkers for pool and karaoke. Get out there!
εїз Keep as many social circles going at once as you can. If you stop making the effort, you may stop being invited. So Tuesday night you'll spend with your chess buddies, Thursday is reserved for your Italian cooking classmates, and Saturday is for your college gang.
εїз Throw parties. Want to flit around talking to everyone you've ever met? Throw a party! When it's on your turf, you have complete control. You can spend 8 minutes talking with one group, go grab a plate of finger foods, get sidetracked by another, eventually make it to the dining room, get roped into a toast, and end up on the patio with another. And when your friends meet your other friends, they can make connections, too!
εїз One of the hardest parts about being a social butterfly is spreading yourself too thin. You'll have so many friends it'll be hard to pay them all enough attention. A party is a good way to get everyone you like involved simultaneously. Just be prepared for clean up duty!
And that's all for now.
xoxo
-Hanna
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