"Though psychological research has shown that people tend to get along with people who share similar physical and biological traits with them, it's possible to become friends with very different types of people who carry all sorts of backgrounds. The trick is to be open-minded, understanding, and talkative. Soon enough you'll have so many invitations, you'll need a bigger calendar."
➳ Develop your interests. In order to be friends with a wide variety of people, you've got to have a wide variety of interests. With a wide variety of interests, you'll likely have something in common with everyone and it'll be easier to hold a conversation and let your relationship bloom. So join choir. Volunteer at your local hospital. Start painting in your free time. Learn guitar. Join the soccer team. If you've ever wanted to do something, this is a good reason to do it.
➳ Make a habit of getting others' contact information. When it comes to making new friends, most people are pretty shy. They tend to automatically assume you're not interested in friendship unless you say otherwise. Take a risk, put yourself out there, and ask for their phone number, Twitter or Instagram handle, or friend them on Facebook. Being online friends is the first step to being friends in real life.
➳ Don't wait for an invitation – give it yourself. Be outgoing and proactive in inviting people to hang out and paying attention to when and where people are gathering. If you want to be friends with everyone, you have to initiate reaching out to groups and be sensitive to their habits. Again, people get nervous and shy around new people. They may want to hang out but be too timid to ask.
➳ Accept every invitation. There's a saying that goes something like, "If you stop going, they'll stop inviting you." And it makes complete sense – would you keep inviting a friend that turned you down time and time again? So as you're making these friends (especially in the beginning stages), accept the invitations that you get. How else do you expect the friendships to grow?
➳ Smile and remember everyone's name. When you're friends with everyone, you're going to have a lot of information floating around in your head. Is it Haley that likes rock music? Paul and Vinh are the lacrosse players? When you're with your new friends (or soon-to-be friends) use their name, ask them about something you know about them, and just smile. They'll feel special seeing that you remembered so much about them.
➳ Remark on your surroundings or the occasion. Making small talk with people don't know very well is one of the hardest parts of new friendships. To get to talking, simply make a comment on what's around the both of you or the occasion. Talk about your teacher's droning voice, or how you can't believe Michelle is wearing that outfit. It doesn't have to be much – the conversation will get better and better from there.
➳ Ask open-ended questions. To get the ball rolling even further, start asking the person or people you're talking to open-ended question that they can't just answer with a "yes" or "no," as one-word answers will stop any conversation in its tracks.
➳ Listen genuinely. When's the last time someone looked you in the eye, smiled, and asked how you were and meant it? A genuine listener is pretty hard to come by, especially these days when everyone's eyes are attached to their phones. When they're talking, give them your attention. They'll feel it and appreciate it.
➳ Use compliments. In addition to getting people feeling good about themselves, compliments are a great icebreaker, too. "Hey, I love those shoes! Where did you get them?" is an easy way to start a conversation. It could be one of the highlights of their day. Who knows?
➳ Make time for them. You have a ton of friends now. Once you have them on your side, the main battle is going to be making time for them. If you have a set schedule, great. Monday is for your choir friends, Tuesday is for soccer, and so forth. Just make sure if you haven't seen a friend in a while to give them a call!
➳ Be a friend you'd want to have. Being friends with everyone isn't about being in the popular clique or demanding respect by being snooty, it's about being likeable and being a good friend. If you want everyone to like you, act like someone you would like. What kind of friend do you picture everyone liking?
➳ Make them feel good. Most of us battle with self-image issues and we all have days where we don't feel great about ourselves. But when we meet someone who comes along and who wants to be our friend and who makes life a little more fun, it's easy to perk up. Make your new friends feel good by actively saying you want to hang out, complimenting them, and going out of your way to be friends. Text them randomly, send notes, and just let them know you're on their side.
➳ Find the good in them. Realize that in the process of being friends with (nearly) everyone, you will encounter people with all sorts of personalities, attitudes, opinions and interests. You need to make yourself open-minded and pleasant enough such that you can get along with all of these varying people, even if you may not 100% agree with them on everything. Concentrate on their good qualities and what you like about them – not what you disagree about.
➳ Put in the work to keep the friendship. Since you have so many friends, sometimes it's naturally going to be difficult to keep up the friendship. What's more, friends naturally come and go – most research says half of any social circle dissipates in 7 years. If you found some friends you want to keep close by, put the work in. Invite them to things for no reason, call them, and stay connected. It's a two-way street, after all.
➳ Don't badmouth others or gossip excessively. While it may make for an interesting two-minute conversation, you never know whom you might be offending and what bridges you're burning. Also, if you're always badmouthing others, people pick up on that and will be more hesitant about you – how do they know that you're not badmouthing them when they're not around?
➳ Don't take it personally if not everyone wants to be friends. If you notice that you are routinely left out of plans, or don't hear about things until the event is over, realize that people may be subtly but intentionally trying to exclude you. While you may see this as a hurtful action, others do not have the obligation to be your friend, and if they feel that your personality doesn't jive with the rest of theirs, it's their prerogative to decide whether to include you. Forget about trying too hard to join that group and move on to find other friends.
I know that this is like super long and I'm sorry about that. Hope you like it and I hope it helps!
xoxo
-Hanna
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